no sex please! we're polish.

international | miscellaneous | opinion/analysis Friday May 26, 2006 01:39 by king Herod

Pope Benedict XVI the supreme moral authority for most citizens of the Irish Republic has begun his 4 day visit to Poland, during which he will speak against feminism, gay marriage, abortion, liberalism, contraception, & sex education. For those of you who don't know who pope Benedict XVI is, or why he is newsworthy.... A long time ago the archangel Gabriel appeared to a teenage girl in Palestine commonly called Mary, she was most probably aged between 14 and 16 based on customs of the time. The archangel told her that she was pregnant but wasn't to get too uptight about it.... It wasn't going to be a crime.... Because she'd have a virgin birth without DNA samples and her baby would be called Emanuel / Jesus / Brian & he'd be really famous and end up starring in the first Good Friday Agreement, and Michael Mc Dowell the sinful capitalist liberal hadn't been accounted for in the divine plan.

Of course all the frothy stuff got removed over the centuries, and now we know better. Pope Benedict, the German Shepherd, Papa Ratzi, has been well prepared for by his hosts the former communist & bolshevik, Poland. The Polish government has banned adverts for items which might upset him or the memory of Mary the virgin teenager.
1) tampons.(+)
2) condoms.
3) beer.
4) lingerie (what Mary Harney wears underneath her suits)

Da Vinci's annunciation, when Gabriel visited the teenage Mary & told her it wasn't a crime, she'd be a virgin.

In addition the Polish conservative government (which couldn't sway its neighbouring Bylerussian regime) has stopped all broadcasts of Pornography and Erotica.

We have 4 days to report on what the black pope has to say for himself, & we await the moment that he becomes the 2nd Roman Catholic pontiff to visit Auschwitz (and incidently the only current world leader to do so who served in 3rd Reich forces)
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/world/story/0,,1779765,0....html

It will merit lots of attention & comment & over these 4 days, Ratzinger previously only important for his product placement or wondering about the double jeopardy question about his rumoured review of condom use and AIDS, will surely say nothing on the Da Vinci code movie, which thanks to modern sinful preference for entertainment over sensible popular pressure http://www.warsaw.com/p/59/3d0b55d1f47e99.html?id=WNAT4...e5e92 is still showing in Polish cinemas.

"Jesus was well over the age of consent when he shagged Mary the Magdalene."
:- so no worries there for the moral minded amongst you.

There will be updates on this important story, as some of you might have noticed Eire isn't really as catholic as it used to be, and you'll have to rely on indymedia ireland for your spiritual needs.


(+) interestingly the Roman Catholic Church asked previous Irish governments to ban tampons on the grounds they would introduce young women to the pleasures of vaginal penetration. But that was a long time ago, back in Mary Harney's convent school days when Michael Mc Dowell was still swotting hard for his points to be a boring lawyer.