EXCLUSIVE!! Sneak Preview of 'The Bushes in England' Photo Spread! (satire)

international | miscellaneous | opinion/analysis Sunday November 23, 2003 14:16 by Cheryl Seal

Don't let anyone tell you that those quaint olde English villages and villagers in Bush photo ops were anything but ABSOLUTELY AUTHENTIC!!

CHERYL SEAL EXCLUSIVE!! Sneak Preview of Time Magazine 'The Bushes in England' Photo Album!!

Thanks to the efforts of the tireless Bush and Blair PR teams, countless photo ops were arranged along the Bush tour route! White house spokespeople say rumors of "Potemkin Villages" were completely false and that all scenarios and well-wishers encountered by Bush were absolutely authentic. Cheryl Seal has managed to obtain a sneak preview of "Time's" upcoming special commemorative issue: "The Bushes in England Photo Album!"


Bush and Blair vehicles move through outskirts of London, side by side
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~scaballe/images/tanks.jpg

Members of a local cricket team waved warmly as Bush's motorcade passed
http://www.litep.exquilia.com/mannequins.jpg


In a hamlet somewhere north of London, Bush stopped to chat with a friendly villager at his quaint tudor home.http://www.cottonwoodcupboard.com/images/Hedgerow_Dovecote.jpg

Outside the pub in the village of Sedgefield, "typical British villagers" assembled to greet Bush
http://www.nih.gov/news/NIH-Record/01_14_97/images/sculpt2.jpg

" Dear Mr. Bush," said this charming older Cockney woman "We 'ere in Merry Owld England are so 'appy to 'ave yer visit! God bless ye!"
http://www.icollectorbazaar.com/colljpg/ms_516d.jpg


The Palace said its security was in fact excellent and that the Queen had a double who was undetectable from the real thing
http://www.kevinfrancis.co.uk/Images/Toby%20Jugs/Images/Queen%20Elizabeth%20II.jpg


Knowing Bush's love of sports,, the local soccer and swim teams vied for the president's attention
http://www.zingdisplay.com/pict/mannequin.jpg

In London, Bush stopped to chat with a typical urban black family
http://www.inrets.fr/ur/lbmc/Images/moyens1.gif

Then he stopped by a fire station and witnessed an emergency preparedness drill
http://www.legeros.com/toys/gallery/xmas-village-figures2.jpg

The Bushes found themselves quite at home at Buckingham Palace, and discovered the Queen was more like them than they ever suspected!
http://www.celebrity-pics.net/dp/files/1-9.jpg

On a village green in one village, protestors moved a bit too close to the Bush motorcade and were given a brisk warning by security personnel
http://www.screensavershot.com/automation/tanks.jpg


Blair reports that he received just "the odd one or two" notes protesting the Bush visit
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/031118/photos_pl/mdf408888&e=10&ncid=27

At the airport, after being told of the Massachusetts ruling on gay marriage, Bush cracks an unfortunate joke about "closet homos"
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/031118/photos_pl/mdf409994&e=15&ncid=27


EXCLUSIVE EXTRA!!!!
Excerpt from the diary of Laura Bush, obtained by Deep Throat II see the night of the Bush's return to the US. (For more about Deep Throat II, see http://baltimore.indymedia.org/feature/display/5475/index.php)

November 21

Dear Diary,

"We met the Queen. She was very nice. The queen has a dog. I have a dog. We both like dogs. George asked her what she carried in her ugly handbag. She showed us. It is a stuffed monkey named Curious George. She says that is why she likes the president so much, because he reminds her of Curious George, who is her very special friend.

"People say there were many protestors. But I did not see them. I saw many smiling people, though. Maybe as many as 200! They say there was some security thing happening at Windsor Palace, but I didn't read about it. The president did not read about it either. We do not read the newspapers. But we have many nice people at the White House who tell us everything we need to know.

"George spoke to many people who smiled and nodded and clapped for him. He did not go to Parleemint to speak afterall because there were many mean people there who wanted to ask him questions that were not on our 'special list.'
"I do not like Prince Charles very much. Everytime he thought George was not looking he made a face and pretended he was gagging. I do not like the Queen's husband either. He has a very strange sense of humor. He kept laughing and smirking when George talked, even when George was not trying to be funny.

"We were very angry to hear about the bombing in Turkey. Afterall, they could have waited until after our trip. I had to cancel my visit to Harrods.

"Tony Blair is such a good friend to George. George says Tony will always be his friend because he knows a few little things about him that would make it very hard for Tony not to be his friend, whatever that means. Tony told me that if he were not prime minister, he wanted to be a cowboy or a spy with MI5, although being a fireman would be nice too. I don't he likes himself very much. I feel sorry for him.

"I liked being in a palace. I hope George wins the next election. He says if he does, he plans to become the first King of the United States. That would be fun. I am not sure how he will convince people to let him be king, but he says he and some of his friends in the Pentagon are planning ways to make it easier. I hope they succeed. Queen Laura sounds so elegant!

Nitey nite, diary."


(Any resemblance between this humor piece and reality is entirely likely but purely coincidental)