Sinister controls

dublin | rights, freedoms and repression | other press Wednesday September 22, 2004 15:12 by Beaker

Hair length and soap consumption to be registered before travel to USA.

The EU is joining with US Homeland Security
in requiring members of both EU nations and US citizens to register their annual soap / Shampoo consumption. This will be known as the Registered Index of Soap consumption
(RISC) The US will then corrolate the RISC with their security database of all humanity to check on hair / beard length. This data field is known as the personal hairiness index or PHI.

Both PHI & RISC will be cross referenced to screen undesirable persons from visiting Fortress America. The basis for this is that a low RISC / high PHI constitutes a risk to citizens of Middle America.

Apparently such citizens are worried about catching the newly diagnosed 'Black Helicopter Syndrom' where the victim has regular attacks of phantom black helicopters.