Battle Stations!
national |
politics / elections |
opinion/analysis 
Sunday July 11, 2004 13:45
by hustings. - five four three two one- And we're off!
Bertie has cancelled a birthday party gig in Monte Carlo to stay at home instead and seem humble.
As a result, Bartholomew Patrick Ahern,
former President of the European Union,
will be calling on all his FF henchmen and henchwomen to put themselves on an "election footing".
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Left,
It has begun.
If you use your heads, you can fight and win this election by January 2005.
Here's what we have to do-
*Cancel all holidays in expensive places.
I know this will dissappoint many grass roots activists who tired after a year which has seen such issues as Iraq and the War twist the meaning of honesty and besmirch our constitution are looking forward to a few months relaxing on the beaches of Carribean or Indian Ocean islands.
But sorry lads and ladettes the holidays are off!
*Try and cycle a bike or use public transport, the Left has been associated with expensive cars and high fuel consumption for too long.
*Cancel any public appearances with not so well known Irish Millionaires, the reporters might ask questions about their wealth. I know they're fun to hang out with, and you feel like a youngster again when the blood is pumping around your head, but it looks bad with the voters, and you ought think more about your heart in any case.
*PLEASE make sure your tax affairs are in some sort of order. (We're doing our best to destroy the worst evidence, and Superintendent X has released mice and assorted silverfish in the file boxes, but they need time to chew everything.
*Be seen in your local constituency!
You might like to attend local religious services, or bring your domestic animals for extended walks. Remember LOOK HUMBLE!
*Don't mention the War.
*Don't mention the price of Housing.
*Don't mention any of the basics of life like water, utilities or rubbish.
*Don't mention Mangan.
*Don't mention the North.
*Don't mention the U.S.A.
*Don't mention Cigarettes.
*Don't mention (if you can help it) anything at all. Just keep your mouths shut. Walk your effin dogs, smile at the voters, look humble.
from today's Irish Independent:-
"[by WILLIE KEALY]
The Taoiseach has summoned his entire parliamentary party to an extraordinary meeting in Clonakilty, Co Cork in six weeks.
The purpose of the crisis meeting is to put Fianna Fail on an election footing, despite the fact that the present government has up to three years of its current term to run.
On Friday night he kicked off the process with a fund-raising and think-tank meeting of top businessmen, in Castle Howard, the Wicklow home of immensely rich lawyer, Ivor Fitzpatrick."
*********
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Left-
It has begun.
If you use your heads, you can fight and win this election by January 2005.
May God be with You. For he is no longer with them.
You may-
*mention the War.
*mention cigarettes.
*mention Tax.
*mention the North.
*mention anything at all.
Comments (2 of 2)
Jump To Comment: 1 2"The purpose of the crisis meeting is to put Fianna Fail on an election footing, despite the fact that the present government has up to three years of its current term to run."
You should be askig yourselves WHY -- anytime opponents whom you can assume might be privy to information unavailable to you act strangely or out of character you SHOULD be suspicious -- what do they know that you do not? You should assume that they are acting rationally based upon what THEY know or assume to be true (not necessarily your understanding of reality).
Under Irish system, what are the conditions under which the present government does NOT have three years of its current term to run. What are all the things which can trigger earlier elections? Which of these are under FF's control? (but for these you need to ask WHY would they might prefer elections sooner rather than late, for what reasons). Which of these are outside FF's control, some storm brewing that will rock their foundations and force early elections but still invisible to you.
the PDs-.
Mr Bush.
Mr Blair.
Sinn Fein.
not included in the reasons for any feasible early election are at the moment-
Labour and the Greens and the Left.
They are about to play "humble pie".
Celtic Tiger on "humility" to "assure votes".
and it will work for a time.
so let it work for a month when it becomes apparant.
I wish I could leave a seanfhocal or proverb to illustrate the point but I can't remember one, "the humble pie is quickly eaten".
how's that?
Will I get into the RIA for that?
here's another- "he who eats humble soon craves for sauce".
not as good. Anyway, Messrs Fitzpatrick, Ahern and the "Fianna Fail Clan" as established these seventy years in the land of Ireland, won't be doing anything important to win votes before September.
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